Rising up out of the mud

So I have found a way to insert photos onto my journal page. But it isn't the way the instructions tell me to.  When I follow the instructions from Joe's entry, I only get gigantic photos with no control over reducing them. I know, I'm doing something wrong, but I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

 However, I have found this other method, which took too long, but it got the results I wanted. I had to copy them into an email from my computer, then reduce the size of the pictures there by right clicking to get the little frame of boxes around it so I could resize it by moving the arrows in or out. From there, I could right click and copy on the picture, then come to this page, add entry, then right click and paste.

Next time I might try to go bigger on the size.

These shots of the Lotus flower in bloom were taken after I returned from my mountain trip. While I was away this week, the first lotus and the larger one of the two buds, bloomed and faded. My husband described it to me, and with chagrin, I accepted that I had missed the entire blooming life span of this beautiful flower.

However, the second bud waited for me, probably because it was in the shade more than the other one. Japanese beetles had begun to do their nasty work on the petals, but I managed to get one good shot of the flower opening. Still, the flower had already opened to its fullest earlier, and the above shot shows it on its way to closing again. Apparently they close with the heat of the day.

These were small blossoms compared to some lotus flowers, and we only had the two. But like I said in a previous entry, we have gone nearly seven years without seeing a single bloom. And now we have two. This gives me hope that despite the transplant they experienced this year (when we tore down the big pond), they are coming back healthier and happier than ever.

Might I draw a parallel conclusion as I face my own transplanting from one school to another this fall?

Looking atthe lotus flower as a sign, based on Denise Linn's book, The Secret Language of Signs, I find this explanation for the meaning of the lotus:

"This flower can be a sign of spiritual awakening. Just as the lotus rises out of the mud, you are coming up out of the darkness and into the light."

I feel like I am coming up out of the darkness and into the light. Which I find to be an odd feeling, because I'm pretty sure I came up out of the darkness back between 1995 and 1996. I suppose one could come out of darkness and return to it, only to emerge once more in another season. Yes, seven years of teaching might qualify as a season in one's professional lifespan.

Certainly backsliding, forgetfulness, and distractions all play a role in pulling us off the path we started on. I don't think that is as important as discovering the errors of one's ways, and getting back on track again.

That being said, I must face the difficult truth: that something has got to go, and it isn't just about sweeping, vacuuming, mopping, and dusting, nor about scrubbing the grime off the kitchen shelves and replacing the shelf and draw liners (although doing that certainly did free up some kitchen space).

I only just learned, as I found the website to link with her name in this entry, that Ms. Linn is a world acclaimed expert in feng shui and space clearing. 

Feng shui?  Space clearing? Wait a minute... I was only trying to clear my home of clutter because my life is feeling cluttered. I want to strip away the clutter from the house, to make a special place at least in one room where I can be still, away from the distractions of all technology, including the.... shhh!.... c-o-m-p-u-t-e-r!

Look, I'm not into this New Age ritual, and I'm sure that the indigenous cultures around the world have discovered great wisdom in performing their spiritual rites.... but.... cleaning out my house of clutter and space clearing seem to have very much in common. It will give me a sense of organization and order in my home and thereby, in my life... spiritual, professional, or personal.

There may be something to this Feng Shui... though I don't really have time right now to study it, and I'm not going to hire a Feng Shui consultant to clear my home space of negative energetic debris for me, "balancing and harmonizing the flow of natural energies in my home to create beneficial effects in my life."  (words from Karen Kingston's book, Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui).

But there is no doubt... something is going to change around here. I'm not sure what that will look like, but I know it won't feel good.

 

Thank you, Jackie (Siennastarr)!!

THANK YOU, JACKIE (Hope Floats), FOR THE JOURNAL BIRTHDAY GIFT!

It took me a few minutes to edit my sidebar, but there it is: a badge to mark my own 1 year anniversary of journaling. Which, coincidentally nearly marks AOL Journals 3 year celebration.

So, check out my new sidebar look, and I edited the text a bit, too.

I LOVE IT, JACKIE!

 

You've been a great friend, and a passionate writer. I look forward to another year of journaling, and reading journals at aol.

 

Thank you for sending me the One Year Journaling badge to put in my journal.

 

Love,

Bea

Sugarsweet is starting a Pet Memorial Page

Sugar, at A Little Bit of Sugar Please, posted this entry today. She was asked to do a Pet Memorial Page for J-land's upcoming birthday celebration.

 

 

MEMORIAL 4 PETS 4 J-LANDS BD

If you have lost a pet in the past year, please EMAIL me your babies name, a short note about them, date they passed over, & a pic if you have one. Be sure I get the info before the 18th, as J-Land will be 3 yo on the 21st!!! {{{}}}

She would like to honor ALL of J-Land's awesome pets that have gone to The Rainbow Bridge this past year!

So here I am helping her pass it along. I think a Pet Memorial Page is a great idea, and I think Sugar will do an excellent job creating one with all the super graphics she uses on her website.

Email Sugarsweet056 your pet's name and other info, not me!! It'll get done much quicker if you email her. I'm just the messenger.

My Journal is 1 year old as of yesterday!

Yes, Wanderer is 1 year old.

A year ago, August 3rd, 2005, I began blogging under the journal name AntFarmAnalogies. I had started an ant farm with a space age blue gel ant habitat that I had purchased during a five day teacher workshop in Pisgah National Forest, North Carolina.

Eventually, I changed the name, which happened not long after the ants all died. I learned quite a bit observing those tiny critters busily chewing their way into the gel, creating the most interesting network of tunnels.

It seems I have come full circle.

Something is going to change regarding my journaling here at AOL. I'm not leaving, but there will be another change. I realized what I had to do while in the mountains, and I will write a more thorough explanation here over the weekend.

But for now, I'm marveling how the journal evolved, initially from observing an ant farm, noticing the steady and focused work of the Harvester Ants as they tunneled through the space age blue gel, to observing the life of other journalers, as well as my own, tunneling through the various layers of what Life has given to us.

Ants do have something to teach us. Most observations I made were regarding their behavior. I wondered what would they do when the tunnels were finished? Or, do they just keep tunneling until they die? Since I only have observed that one ant habitat, I can't say for certain that the next colony would respond the same way, but I would like to find out.

The ants finished their tunnels. They just stopped tunneling at some point, and then eventually they all died. I think it had to do with there being no queen ant to keep the colony going, no purpose to tunneling any further, or that the habitat was really too small. Maybe they didn't really care for all that blue gel.

The space age blue gel had been developed by NASA scientists to carry ants into space, andthey actually did go into space as a student designed experiment. They were launched on the same Challenger mission that took up Christa McAuliffe, and though all the experiments coming back on that mission were destroyed, the data sent by computer from the ant experiments were received at home and completed. I found some links to answer questions about the shuttle mission ant experiment and wrote about them in this entry.

If you are interested in the beginnings, or in the ant farm observations, you might want to go back and check out a few entries I wrote during the month of August in 2005. Click above on View Archives, then click on View first entry. There are pictures of the ant tunnels as they progressed from no tunnel to a living tunnel sculpture.

Happy Anniversary to my journal! One year old yesterday.

Mountain Retreat: What I learned

I am back home, and glad to be. I missed my husband's companionship, and I missed my bed, and all my things that fill my day. I missed reading my emails, and writing in my blog. There was no tv, no radio, and no telephone (or cell phone). Well, all those things were there, but I didn't know how to hook up the TV or stereo (too many wires), the telephone did not work, and neither did my cell phone. Oh, and there was no computer.

But the things I love are also the things that prevent me from taking the time I need each day to become still and quiet. You'd think a woman whose child has grown up and moved out wouldn't have a reason to want to drive far away for a spiritual retreat, alone, but I did. I thought it was the only way I could make myself do what I felt I needed to do.

My mistake, however, was going to the mountain with an agenda, and taking too many things with me. I brought several books, and some journals I had written; my Bible; pens, markers, and crayons in case I felt moved to illustrate as I wrote. The truth is, I didn't know what I would need if and when the Holy Spirit moved me, and I knew if It did, I would want to respond in some creative manner.

I intended to do two things while I was there: 1) read inspiring words to open my mind and heart so that I would be ready to enter into the new school year; and 2) to dream, and to record my dreams. I knew while I was there I could do lots of reading, lots of journaling, and nap anytime I wanted to. Which in theory, should produce some dreams.

Of all the books that I carried with me, only one seemed to draw me to its pages. It wasn't the Bible, and I pondered on that later in the experience.

It was Thomas Keating's The Human Condition, that made its way to the top of the reading pile. I didn't read much else. What I drew from his words on contemplation and transformation kept me busy reflecting, meditating, contemplating, and journaling. It was the book ordered by the Great Doctor Himself, it seemed.

I had not chosen to bring that book. In fact, it had fallen onto the desk when I pulled my devotional book out of the basket. Disregarding it even then, I picked up my church directory to take with me should I need to call anyone, but in my hurry to pack up, I had left the directory and the devotional behind. On the desk.

I was on the road by 2:30, realized I had forgotten the directory, and returned to get it. When I picked it up, and the devotional book, there was the Keating book beneath them. It is a small, slim book, so I thought, why not. The words "contemplation and transformation" on the front seemed to insist that I take it with me, so I did.

Anyone interested in personal spiritual retreats might want to add this book to their list of important words to read. Keating asks the spiritual journeyman to ponder on two questions. The first part of the lecture deals with the first question "Where are you?" (in my relation to God, to myself, and to others).

He suggests that we are all looking for the right thing: the key to finding the true source of happiness, but in the wrong places. We look outside ourselves, and we manage to get our friends and family to help us find this happiness, but they don't know where to look either.

Well, you know the answer by now. It isn't new news. The true source of our happiness is the divine presence of God, and that is to be found inside ourselves.

He goes on to say that contemplative prayer helps expose us to our unconscious, where God is. Where we want to be.

(These words excited me because I believe our dreams connect us to our unconscious as well... messages and images and guidance received from dreams come from ... God? Sometimes.... though not all dreams have significant life-changing meaning. When you pay attention to them, relate them to your waking life, you can gain great insight about yourself and about what you can do, or should do in your relationships with other people at home, at work, and in the world in general. Yes, God can communicate with us through our dreams!)

The second question and second half of the spiritual journey is "Who are you?" The message in this part of his lecture is profoundly moving and startling. He explains that when we are thrown into crisis, Jesus hasn't left us, although we often feel abandoned during a crisis. Keating suggests that God waits until He thinks we are ready, then takes us to a deeper level of faith, as though walking downstairs. He waits for us to join Him there. We find we can trust Him even in the depths of dark trials.

I've only touched on two of the points made in this book, and I've probably not done a very good job of explaining Keating's ideas. I did leave the links to a website that would further explain the concepts of contemplative prayer, and Keating's book. If you are interested, a search of those words will probably help you understand better.

I enjoyed the time at the mountain chalet. What I learned while I was there was that I should be able to make some room in my house for a daily retreat, my own quiet space, my sanctuary for contemplation and transformation. Not a place of escape from the stress of the day, but a place to work on the interior of my life.

I knew this seven years ago. I had such a room, and I used it in that way, and I was transformed by the creative work I had done in there. But over the years, that room has gotten cluttered with things, too many things, and now it looks more like a storage room for teacher supplies. Much like my exterior life has become: cluttered with too many things to do.

It's time to clear it out (both the room and my soul), and make it what it was first intended: a place of solitude for becoming empty, and for seeking the Divine Presence.

Diego has completed his Walk

I got home about an hour ago. After talking with my husband, and debriefing on what he did and what I did during the past two and one-half days, I came to check my email. My friend Betty had told me that Diego had passed away while I was gone. She said his mother had made an entry. Filled with sadness for their loss, I found what I was looking for. I wanted to share what his mother wrote yesterday: August 02, 2006 at 12:58 PM EDT

Diego has completed his walk up the stairway to heaven. It was peaceful and he looked like an angel. We are reeling from an evening of unbelievable pain and sadness, but relieved for beautiful Diego. As always, I already know that you are praying for us and that your love and your thoughts are with us. The same way that God has honored your prayers all this time...I know that once again, those prayers are what will get us through this next phase. Thank you with all of my heart. I’ll write more later – I promise. Love, Cookie

He had just turned six years old a few days ago. Diego had battled lung cancer for over a year, and then it had mestasticized into his brain. He brought great joy and love to his family and friends. Please keep them in your prayers.

The link above will take you to CarePages. If you are a member, you'll know what to do. If you are not, but would like to visit DiegoLand, you can sign up for free. It's easy. Just follow the directions.

I'll be back later this evening, I think. Bea

It's time for a Retreat!

I haven't spoken about this to very many people, but for those who know of what I wanted to do for a few days before school starts, I am going to do it. Today.

I'm leaving for a couple of days, headed for a mountain cabin, so I won't be making any journal entries probably until after Thursday. Where I'm going, there are no computers!

That is good, and that is bad, for I have gotten hooked on the internet and blogging. It keeps me from doing what I need to do most right now, and that is to be still and to get empty inside.

I'm going on what I can only describe as a spiritual retreat. It's hard to do that at home, so I'm packing up the car and Max, and leaving Misty to keep my husband company.

I've never done this before, gone on a spiritual retreat alone. I'm bringing my pens, my paper journal, some books, my favorite Bible, and sheets and towels. I've been wanting to do this for a very long time, but never knew how to explain this to my husband, who usually goes with me when we go on vacation. 

This is not going to be a vacation, not in the manner that we usually take one. This morning he gave me his blessing, of sorts, and so after my dental appointment this morning, I'm going to pack up and head for something I want ... time to be alone with God.

Have any of you done anything like this before? Where did you go and what did you do?

I'll let you know when I'm back.

Have a good week, and keep Diego Santiago in your prayers. He's slipping fast. His sisters and parents also need your love. See my previous entry for the details of how to read his mother's  CarePages.