16 Ponderous Questions to answer

I found these questions over at Jackie's journal, Waiting to Exhale, and decided to borrow them for my entry tonight. Some of the questions were hard to answer. If you want to participate, just copy them into your journal, then leave a link here in the comments so I can come read your responses.

1-What do you want people to say about you when you die?Good things, I suppose. To note the good I did, or the good in me. That I loved my husband and son, and that I became a better person because of them. That I loved the Lord, and tried to follow

2-How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Most of the time, about 20-30 minutes. It depends upon whether I have to fix my hair. If I have to wash my hair first, then give me an hour.

3-If you were an animal what would you be? Hmmm, I would love to be a bird, not a caged one, but a free one. Most any species with the ability to fly… except a vulture for obvious reasons. Not too small that I’d be a predator for many other animals, but a larger one. Not one hunters would want to shoot down (so not a duck or a pheasant). I’d like to be a bird with a long life span and a plentiful food source. Flying is the reason. (so, not a penguin, peacock, or chicken).

4-What's your biggest fear? That I will die before my husband… I want to take care of him, I want to make sure he gets all the care he deserves. I want to make sure he is comfortable, not in pain, that he is not left alone. I think I can handle being alone better than he can. Even in the end.

5-What’s your most prized possession? I have accumulated lots of things over the years, and I have a problem throwing things away if it’s something I may find a practical use for. However, if the house were to burn down, and everything in it, I would not grieve, as long as my family, including pets, were not hurt. I don’t feel attached to any thing.

6-What’s the funniest word you can think of? Onomatopoeia (you know, words that make the sound they represent, hiss; yap-yap!; buzz; woof!)

7-Do you get along with your parents? Yes. When my dad was alive, yes. I still get along with my mother. I wish she would come live with me!

8-What do you look for in the opposite sex? Humor, patience, intelligence, and a good heart.

9-What was the most difficult thing you had to do? Be strong for my parents after their El Paso accident in June, 1997. My father was in a halo, his neck broken, and we were on the 3-day Air Force Nightengale flight back to Georgia. He was so uncomfortable, in pain. I sat one row down from him. My mother sat beside him, her scalp still missing a big piece. She would need skin grafts when she got home. He kept asking me to adjust the pillows behind him, and I got up every time to do it. I was so very exhausted by the time we were on the plane to get them home. I’m sure he could see that in my face. I felt so sad for him, for what he was going through, for his loss, our loss. I cried every moment I was alone, but not in front of them. Lost in my grieving thoughts, I heard him call my name one more time. I turned to look at him, and his eyes welled up. He apologized for bothering me about the pillows so much. It was all I could do not to cry right then, seeing the suffering he had to live through. I knelt before him, took his hand in mine, and said, “Daddy, I’ll move those pillows a hundred more times if you ask me to. As many times as you need them moved. You tell me where you want me to put it, okay? It’s not a bother.” The hardest thing I have ever had to do for nearly three weeks: watch my parents suffer.

10-If you were given one day to live what would you do? I’d probably want to see my husband and son, and speak to my closest friends, to tell them what they have meant in my life, and how they made my life richer and more meaningful, and that I had had a good life. And have a big group picture made with all my favorite people.

11-If you could relive any day of your life either for good or to change it what would it be? The day when there was a terrible storm in the area, and I drove my son home from a ballgame, through the wind and rain, and he was so scared because he thought there might be a tornado in the area. Tree=limbs were everywhere, the sky was dark. I made light of it, and made fun of his fear, even as we grabbed pillows and headed for the basement room. I was laughing, and he was getting more and more hysterical with each passing minute. If I could relive that one more time, I wouldn’t make fun of his fear, and I’d try to say encouraging words, comforting words. I was being so silly, perhaps to hide my own fear.

12-What's the worst feeling in the world? guilt, after doing something you know is absolutely wrong.

The best? Being forgiven for having done something you know is absolutely wrong, whether the other person forgives you, or you forgive yourself. Or you forgive another for something they did wrong.

13-If you could meet anyone who ever existed who would it be? why?  One of my family's ancestors. I don't know who in particular, but someone from either my father's or mother's side, whichever one it was that came over to this country from France, Ireland or Scotland. I want to hear them tell me what motivated them to come here, and to tell me what they had to do to get here. I want to hear the stories of that family, good or bad. There is someone, I'm sure, who did a new and good thing that would make us all feel proud of him or her, someone that we could say, "yeah, that relative's blood is my blood." I want a story from that past to give my child and his children.

14-What was the meanest thing you ever did as a little kid? I let the boy next door kiss me just so he’d let me read his comic books. I didn’t like him for any other reason. He had the coolest comic books, and he always stared at me, so when he asked if he could kiss me, I made a deal with him. After he kissed me, he gave me the comic books, and we sat on the doorstep for the next hour, me reading, and he staring at me. A few days later, he came to our back door, and gave my father a nickel to give to me. My father told him I couldn’t have it, and sent him away. Then he had a talk with me about why I shouldn’t accept gifts from boys. I was ten years old, or so. That day I learned that it wasn’t very nice to use people like that.

15-What have you learned about love? That you have to give from the depths of your heart, that it doesn’t hurt when you do. That you have to learn how to receive love from another. Giving love is easy, receiving love isn’t so easy. More people are likely to refuse to receive love than to give love. Some people are harder to love than others, but they still need to be loved. A closed heart hurts worse than an open heart. A broken heart is able to love another more than one that has never been broken.

16-How have you changed in the past year? I’ve become more open to change, looking for opportunities to change rather than avoiding them. I’m stepping out of the boat because someone is asking me to come out and walk on the water again!