Baking Cookies and Reminiscing

In about an hour I can go to bed. I'm still baking cookies for tomorrow's gift-giving. I baked all day to make gifts for my friends and neighbors. Now I'm baking for the family members we will see tomorrow when we drive to Jonesville.

Between all that baking, though, there were a few hours of relaxation and laughter at the home of longtime friends this evening as we watched selected home videos of  when our kids were much younger.  My friend Kathy had invited us over for dinner... she cooked the entire meal of turkey, ham, sweet potatoes, corn, macaroni and cheese, green beans, and rolls. She had told me to bring dessert if I wanted, so I had brought a pecan pie. It was all so delicious, and it felt good to be sitting around her table again with her husband and two grown daughters and our grown son.

Vanessa, her youngest, had asked me to bring some videos so we could watch them. When she and her sister, Andrea, were children their parents would bring them for a visit. I would video tape them at various activities over the years. From the time Vanessa was a year old until they were in middle school, I have taped them playing fashion show and princesses, boxing, singing, dancing, paper dolls, doctor, washing my kitchen floor, scrubbing the deck, riding their bikes, drawing, painting, eating, watching tv, playing video games, walking through our woods, watching the fish, playing with the neighbor's kids, opening presents, crying, laughing, telling stories, telling jokes, pretending to be gymnasts or movie stars... whatever they played at, I would have the camera ready for them. They loved every minute of it. Even my son got used to seeing me with the camera attached at the shoulder.

Tonight, for about two and half hours, we sat and watched the kids at various ages and activities. Steven said more than once, "I don't remember that. Why don't I remember that?" The girls said it, too. Andrea is 21, and Vanessa is 19... watching their playful conversations and listening to their take on what was going on in their lives at different ages reminded me how quickly time pushes us along, and how quickly we can forget how it all felt.

We forget what we looked like, how we spoke, how we acted, and how weloved. We forget who we were to other people, and who they were to us. We forget what brought us together, and we forget what pushed us apart. We forget what was funny and lovely, and we forget what was hurtful and disappointing. Time keeps moving us forward into new places and new roles, into unfamiliar intersections and unknown paths. As we adjust and adapt to all the changes and growing taking place, we let go of what is familiar and comfortable to make room for who we are to become.

Sometimes, in that process, we let go of relationships, just for a little while, and the next thing you know the children are adults and living on their own, coming home only to visit for the holidays, or for an occasional Sunday dinner. The next thing you know, our friends have grown wiser, too. They had to do some letting go as well. Long-term friendships are like that, you know? In the end, we are comfortable together again.

It's different now, holidays. Not lesser than they were, just different. Someday our kids will have children of their own... my adult friends and I will be grandparents.

I'm sure we'll have just as much fun spending meaningful time with them as we had with our own kids. Until then, however, I'm sure I will appreciate the time I have with our adult children right where they are now in their lives, like we did when they were younger.

Maybe I should start carrying the camera around again?

The last batch of cookies just came out of the oven. I'm going to bed.

Goodnight

and Merry Christmas!!